Now what?

Here I go again. And yes it's about love this time. Love is important for everyone, and essential for a follower of Christ.  A recurring theme in my walk with the Lord has been that as a believer, my life is to be others based.  Don't get me wrong, the word of God teaches to guard your heart as well as to care for others, "Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock. . .to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood."(Acts 20:28).  What this means is that I need to make sure that I know how to love correctly. God's my example for how to love. After I know how to love, I can love another person correctly.  The point is, I do not necessarily have to love myself before I can love someone else, just that I have to allow God to teach me how to love before I can properly share that love.  I need to be filled up by the Lord before I try to pour out to others.  So if God is my example of love, and he does not tolerate sin, I need to be like-minded.  God does not tolerate sin because he knows what is best for us, and sin robs us of joy.  As followers of Christ, we are sometimes called to a tough love mentality.  We're not called to condemn others, for we are sinners, and are therefore are transgressors of the whole law.  However, we are called to walk in righteousness, "Among you there must not be even a hint of immorality, or any kind of impurity, because these are improper for God's holy people."  We can not love other people properly if we claim to be people of God and yet linger among impurity and immorality.  Right now God is calling me to walk in righteousness and gently reassuring my heart that He can and does love those in my life more than I ever could. God can love and woo people out of sin and into righteousness.  My job as a follower of Christ right now is to continue to walk in righteousness.  We all love someone. Stop and ask yourself, what your love is accomplishing for your soul, for the other person's soul, and for the kingdom of God. If nothing comes to mind, hand it over to the Lord.  He can love better than any human.  He can not be tempted, and he desires for his followers to flee darkness, deceit and temptation in order to be a light.

The meaning of love is lost among many unfortunate cliches. The whole English language is cheapened daily by our own ignorance and misuse of it.  And one of the most elemental words of all has lost its depth.  That word is "love". For me, the mention of it brings up a sickening feeling and thoughts of broken promises, annoyingly desperate teenagers, and most detestably-Valentine's Day.  It breaks my heart that something that was created by our Lord-such as love-has been degraded by society to the point that it has almost lost all significance.  Excuse my pun-but the heart of the matter lies in the fact that in English, there is only one word for love, and in Greek-the language the first testament was first written in-there are three different words for love, all varying slightly in meaning:

1)"Eros" is a sensual or physical love, such as a lust between young lovers or the selfish love a newborn baby has for her mother.  

2)"Phileo" is a love between friends, a co-dependent relationship love based on a giving and receiving.  3)"Agape" is a love based on the idea that something is WORTHY of praise and reverence.  It is a self-sacrificing love, where one party gives regardless of whether or not they will ever receive anything in return.  

In popular movies, songs, and even in daily society we see "eros" and  mistake it for the only way to love.   When we  focus only on what the world displays to us as love, we forget ,"God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."(Romans 5:8).  That is true agape !  Jesus did not die on the cross because he was selfish, or because he wanted to get something from us, but because he loved us so much that he found us worthy of his adoration!  And when we find agape, eros and phileos are trash in comparison! Only the agape of our Lord provides peace, freedom, and wholeness.

Tonight. . .I said this.

“Stuff Happens”. Most of us have heard this phrase, or one similar to it, at some point in our lives.  It’s a simple statement, “stuff happens” but it really means suck it and up and deal with it.  It means that life is unfair and the sooner we accept that fact, the better.  But I beg to differ. In this broken and perverse world, injustices do happen.  Hearts are broken, people are abused, people murder, lie, cheat and steal, and as Christians we are called to believe that there is a definite right and wrong, called “absolute truth”.  Personally, accepting the theory that “stuff just kinda happens sometimes” does not work for me- AT ALL.  You see, something unfair happened to me. So what did I do? I got angry.  Whenever my expectations on what is acceptable are not reached-I see it as an injustice, and anger begins to burn in my heart. However, according to James 1:20, “Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”  But that didn’t stop me.  Soon my anger turned to bitterness, and bitterness ruled in my heart.  I was unable to see past the injustice of my situation and focus on anything-other than my own distress.  Bitterness told my human heart that life is not fair, that I didn’t deserve anything bad to happen to me, and that trusting anyone-especially God- would lead to disappointment.  What a lie! But I subconsciously believed it, and soon my bitterness was not only that- but had grown into depression and isolation.  I don’t know if you have ever been depressed, but I’d define it as a period of my life where I had no desire to do anything productive, I felt nothing, and I chased after extreme behaviors for the hope of feeling anything at all.  I did not feel alive.  I was right where Satan wanted me- in my own cocoon of infectivity.  I was untouchable, because I did not react to anything, good or bad.   I had unknowingly sealed myself off from the world, simply because I thought it was better that way.  All this time, I was saved, going to church and school with my Christian friends.

My existence felt dull and empty, and I accepted melancholy monotony as my life.  But God did not create life to be melancholy or monotonous, God gave us life, and life to its fullest(John 10:10). Hmm. . . If life is supposed to be so great and full, why am I not experiencing it like so?  Famous Christian writer, C.S. Lewis, explains, “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us,”   My problem was no longer a response to how I was wronged.  It had evolved into a problem of my blindness, I was not able to look outside of my TEMPORARY situation to an ETERNAL God.

It is said that  suicide is a selfish crime. I disagree, I contemplated suicide. Suicide does not come from selfishness, but from despair- because one cannot see beyond their current feelings and circumstances.  I was trapped in the idea that the way I had been living was the way I would always live, trapped in a permanent state of despair.  I had no hope. Hope comes from a belief in goodness, and pure goodness is found only in God.  To find goodness I had to look outside of myself to God.  Vibrant life and magnificent beauty were found there, in my God. When I truly began to realize what a savior I had,  I was in a psychiatric hospital for depression. And let me tell you, if you have the nerve to think your life is boring-go stay in a hospital for a week, it made me desperately crave real life and real food.  After leaving the hospital I read a book called “One Thousand Gifts” in which a Christian woman begins to make a list of what she is grateful for.  By the end of the book she is thanking God for enabling her to see the colors of the rainbow in a soap bubble while she is washing the dishes- a chore she did daily for nearly ten years.  This woman’s grateful heart had me feeling convicted.  I was in a place where I was not even thankful for my own life!  I began to learn that I live a blessed existence.  Every morning, I wake up on a soft bed, with a roof over my head, and hot water in my shower, and food in my kitchen-well sometimes. That day I challenged myself, to find every single reason I felt a hint of joy.  I’m definitely not perfect, but I needed this heart check.  Today alone I’ve silently thanked God for warm showers, Starbucks coffee, cute headbands, sunshine, pretty pink flowers, and shoes without shoe laces.  And to think, two months ago I was not even grateful for something as precious as my life- an opportunity to serve the creator of the world.  If you think your life has no purpose-you are wrong.  God does not only love you, but takes delight in you, and daily woos your soul to follow him.  You have a purpose.

How is fire a symbol of the Lord's presence when Hell is described as "lakes of fire"?

The other day, my friends and I were talking about some theological questions we had.  The one main question that grasped my attention was, "Why is Hell described as 'lakes of fire' when fire is a biblical symbol of the Lord's presence?"    After some analysis of how the word "fire" is used in biblical texts, we began to understand what exactly fire was used for, and how it could be used for punishment and the Lord's presence. We began to discover that in the Old Testament the word "fire" is used to describe anything that can be consumed by flame, such as a person, animal or thing.  This spurred me with a thought, that maybe God appears in fire to start a fire in our hearts-to consume our souls with a fire for Him.  I kept this in mind while we continued on.  We found that in the New Testament the word "fire" is symbolic of judgment.  We also found out that fire is used to purify-in biblical times they would first build their homes with straw, wood, and stone, but would later use fire to remove the wood and straw and leave only the stone-which means fire can be used for purification.

 After discussion, prayer, and study of the Bible I began to understand:  fire is a symbol of the Lord's presence but only when the Lord is present to deliver righteous judgment-which is essentially what Hell is, righteous judgment.  But does that mean because we are all sinners we will be sent to Hell-to receive the judgment we deserve? No, it most certainly does not mean that everyone will be sent to Hell.  Only the wicked must experience Hell.  Followers of Jesus are not wicked, they are righteous in their ways because they follow the Lord-when the righteous experience the fire of the Lord's judgment, it is used to purify them. Similar to the building we mentioned earlier, God will burn away our unnecessary elements and leave us with only the strong parts of our composition-which are where He resides in us.  Fire leaves the wicked with nothing and they have no joy, yet it provides the righteous with joy because they are able to see God more clearly than ever before.

Emotions get the best of me.  I walk around frustrated with society and questioning authority.  I'm the outspoken girl with dreads among my more subdued peers.  If I see something I don't like, I rarely keep it to myself.  Oh how God has blessed me with such kind hearted friends for putting up with my ranting!
As of late I've become more and more frustrated with society in general.  I'm very blessed to have the opportunity to attend a small Christian school, yet I often become bothered by it.  How disappointing it is to go to a Christian school where people are not excited about Christ!  As a body of Christ everywhere, we desperately need radical change.  I'm sick of going to youth group and having an amazing emotional experience and wanting to make a difference and never following through with it!  Being a Christ follower is about truth, not feelings.  I need to get past my feelings and let my daily life be a response to the presence of truth.  I'm so guilty of complacency!
As humans we have a desire to be close to the Lord, and I'm so guilty of wanting the Lord so much yet not changing my actions.  We are called to be radical Christians.  God asks for everything-I want to be passionate about giving him everything!  This starts with realizing that although I'm powerless on my own, I can do anything through Christ.  I've become content in my helplessness, wanting God to be the center of everything but not taking the necessary steps to make it happen.  Let's DO something! Let's be radical, let's question what is not of the Lord.  Let's change things in His name, because through Him we have the power.  For myself, it's as simple as turning frustration into an attitude of pro-activity.

Together

"How good and pleasant it is when the Lord's people live together in unity!" Psalm 133:1
As I've mentioned in probably more than one previous post, this past semester I switched from a large public school to a small Christian school.  There are an innumerable amount of differences between the two schools but I think I can safely say that I am finally adjusted to my new school.  I'm adjusted, but I wouldn't say I fit in.  I'm not even sure if there is even anything to "fit in" to at my school, with only around twenty students in each grade, there is plenty of room for us to be individuals.  God says many times in the bible that his people receive different spiritual gifts and talents, and for me, it is easy to get caught up in the fact that we are different from one another.  Often times, I get so caught up in the differences that I overlook the similarities I have with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  We have all decided to follow Jesus, to define our lives by the truth of His word, and yet we bicker with eachother frequently.  My heart turns bitter towards other people faster than I notice-and this is just what the enemy wants! 

It is pleasing to God when His people live together in unity!  Seems like a simple concept, right?  It takes complacency and bitterness to turn our hearts from one another, but perseverance and love to knit our hearts close.  God wishes us to experience His love as a community of beleivers!  But I am the worst at this-I find myself seperating people in my head, atheltes and non athletes, mature people and immature people, open minded people and close minded people, public school kids and private school kids so on and so forth.  This is messed up.  I'm to see my sisters and brothers in Christ as just that-brothers and sisters, that I am equal to, that make up a family of believers.  Regardless of what I think of someone, God demands me to show love, no exceptions. 

"I'ma sip until I feel it, I'ma smoke until its gone, I don't really give a f*** and my excuse is that I'm young."-Drake.

I see this on my twitter timeline ALL the time.  I even used to tweet it! I miss the feelings and the glamour of my old life. I get caught up in reminiscing about the past.  But why? After all, when I'm trying to explain rumors people hear, I usually say, "I have a bad past."  So why do I miss the BAD?!  Because I forget how the past felt during the lows.  I only remember being the girl at the party with everyone laughing at the jokes I make, the one the guys wanted to get with, the one the other girls wanted to be friends with.  I miss the FEELINGS my old lifestyle gave me.  The problem is, I skim over memories of the nights I spent crying myself to sleep out of misery.  And in all honesty, these nights were much more common than the ones that I felt on top of the world. I realized I'm only fond of my past when I do not understand where it was leading me.  About wicked people Psalm 73 says,"Until I went into the sanctuary of God:  Then I understood their end."(Psalm 73:17)  This verse hit me hard, I need to be in the sanctuary of God to remember where I was headed. God says about about the person I used to be, "Behold, these are the ungodly, who are always at ease."(Psalm 73:12)  If I'm at ease with my bad decisions, I am ungodly and will surely bring myself deeper into ruin each day. 

 I miss the past only because I've forgotten the depths of pain it sent me into.  My flesh and my heart tell me I deserve to feel wanted, that I deserve to feel important, that I deserve to have no consequences for what I do.  I don't deserve anything, but I do have the merciful love of God.  Society today tells us that we can make whatever choices we so wish and that as long as we FEEL good about it, it's okay.  When I am not walking with God I find it hard to remember the heartbreaking realities of my old life. "My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion of EVER!"(Psalm 73:26). Regardless of how we feel God is with us, "I was so foolish and ignorant. . .Nevertheless you hold me by my right hand."(Psalm 73:22-23).  What a wake up call Psalm 73 was to me today!  As a Christian we are called to actively care about our decisions, we are called to spend time with God, we are called to be led by truth instead of emotion.  God holds us by our right hand. . .take advantage of it, instead of buying into the apathy of society.