"I'ma sip until I feel it, I'ma smoke until its gone, I don't really give a f*** and my excuse is that I'm young."-Drake.

I see this on my twitter timeline ALL the time.  I even used to tweet it! I miss the feelings and the glamour of my old life. I get caught up in reminiscing about the past.  But why? After all, when I'm trying to explain rumors people hear, I usually say, "I have a bad past."  So why do I miss the BAD?!  Because I forget how the past felt during the lows.  I only remember being the girl at the party with everyone laughing at the jokes I make, the one the guys wanted to get with, the one the other girls wanted to be friends with.  I miss the FEELINGS my old lifestyle gave me.  The problem is, I skim over memories of the nights I spent crying myself to sleep out of misery.  And in all honesty, these nights were much more common than the ones that I felt on top of the world. I realized I'm only fond of my past when I do not understand where it was leading me.  About wicked people Psalm 73 says,"Until I went into the sanctuary of God:  Then I understood their end."(Psalm 73:17)  This verse hit me hard, I need to be in the sanctuary of God to remember where I was headed. God says about about the person I used to be, "Behold, these are the ungodly, who are always at ease."(Psalm 73:12)  If I'm at ease with my bad decisions, I am ungodly and will surely bring myself deeper into ruin each day. 

 I miss the past only because I've forgotten the depths of pain it sent me into.  My flesh and my heart tell me I deserve to feel wanted, that I deserve to feel important, that I deserve to have no consequences for what I do.  I don't deserve anything, but I do have the merciful love of God.  Society today tells us that we can make whatever choices we so wish and that as long as we FEEL good about it, it's okay.  When I am not walking with God I find it hard to remember the heartbreaking realities of my old life. "My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion of EVER!"(Psalm 73:26). Regardless of how we feel God is with us, "I was so foolish and ignorant. . .Nevertheless you hold me by my right hand."(Psalm 73:22-23).  What a wake up call Psalm 73 was to me today!  As a Christian we are called to actively care about our decisions, we are called to spend time with God, we are called to be led by truth instead of emotion.  God holds us by our right hand. . .take advantage of it, instead of buying into the apathy of society.